So you’re at Uni and surviving the period leading up to deadlines, a part of your life which can only be described as ‘hell on earth’. Hand-ins are only looming closer and the longer you leave it to face coursework and revision, the worse it will be when it finally happens. Sort of like the pan in the kitchen you used to cook bolognaise with a week ago, the small, green mouldy hairs have begun to defy gravity and cultivate but you can’t quite bring yourself to clean it yet… (Don’t act like you can’t relate).
After much debate, action must be taken and so you drag your poor, undernourished body down to the library for a gargantuan all-nighter. THIS is where you eat your weight in Domino’s pizza, cry a substantial amount and discover the different types of species that reside in the library:
- The Cruncher. They will have at least one of the following; nuts, grapes, apples, carrots, celery, crisps, cereal and even ice. These people are very annoying. Just chew slowly and quietly.
- The Lurker. The one that’s always there, lurking in the distance. Every time you go, you see them. You might not spot them at first, but as you get up to go to the toilet…BAM. When do they eat? Where do they sleep? Admittedly, they do inoffensively mind their own business. ‘The Lurker’ isn’t too bad.
- The Giggler. Thoughts; ‘What could possibly be so hilarious?’, ‘I can see your screen and it doesn’t looking funny at all.’, ‘Laugh it up… while you still can.’ You continue to stare.
- The Fidget. They literally can’t sit still for more than 2 minutes, up down up down, it’s truly exhausting to watch. I can slouch like a sloth until I can’t feel parts of my body.
- The Non-worker. They will be doing absolutely nothing for the whole time they are there. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter…’World of Warcraft’. You name it, they are on it.
- THE SHIT. I’ve decided to save the worst one until last, this particular species get on my very last nerve. They do not care to put their phone on silent nor do they have the capability to have a quiet conversation. You can tell your mum what you had for breakfast when you get home… they are true shits.
It was only through the analysis of categories, that I myself realised there could be a potential new species. One that could be argued to be the worst out of all the procrastinators because they actively do nothing, except move their eyes. I’m one of them!!! Yep, it’s ‘The Starer’.